Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
