went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
