Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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