Where did you get a picture of my penis
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
