I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
