so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
