oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize