Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
