her vagine was all disorganized.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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