drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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