i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
