Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
