when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
