Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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