i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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