my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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