Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
