My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
