I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
