70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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