and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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