you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize