I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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