also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
