she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
