I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I would fuck him just for his dog
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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