Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
