i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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