whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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