2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
