So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
