ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
