Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
