Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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