well I can't set my house on fire every night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
