just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
