you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
