I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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