What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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