Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
