hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
