My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
