I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
