I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
