I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
