seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
