Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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