You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
