we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
