we have officially lost it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
