I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
