Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
