I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
