My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
babies were throwing up all over the place
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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