i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
