Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
