i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
