According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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