Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
