I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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