The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
