the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
