I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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