Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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