My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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