i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
