Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
