Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
