There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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