life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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