That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
