ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize