do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
