He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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