so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
