I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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