Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
