My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
