Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
