i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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