i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize