Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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