is your mom at the bar?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
