One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
