I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
