I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
