I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
