She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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