is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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