yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I will be naked everywhere
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
